Roman was sitting in an armchair in front of the television, switching channels. A bottle of beer and a plate of chips stood on the coffee table.
“Why did you forbid my mother from coming into MY home?” Elena stood in the doorway, holding her phone.
Roman did not even turn his head.
“Because I’m sick of her. She comes every day, sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“SHE IS MY MOTHER!”
“So what?” he finally looked at his wife. “This is MY home. I’m the master here.”
Elena came closer and stood directly in front of the television.
“Your home? Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. I’m the head of the family. I decide who can come here and who can’t.”
“Roman, this apartment belongs to my parents! They bought it!”
“But they gave it to US for the wedding. Now it’s MY home.”
“Our home!”
“No,” Roman took a sip of beer. “MINE. I’m the man. I’m the master. And you are the wife. You should obey.”
Elena could not believe her ears.
“OBEY? What century are you living in?”
“A normal one. The one where the man is the head, and the woman is the neck.”
“You…,” she choked with indignation. “Mom called me in tears! You THREW her out!”
“And I did the right thing. She has no business wandering in here every day.”
“She was bringing us groceries! Helping with cooking!”
“I don’t NEED her help,” Roman stood up and walked to the refrigerator for a new bottle. “Cooking is your duty.”
“I work! All day in the office!”
“So what? Other women work, cook, and don’t whine.”
“OTHER women?” Elena clenched her fists. “Maybe you should go to THEM, then?”
“Don’t get hysterical. Just accept it — your mommy is not setting foot here again.”
“SHE IS MY MOTHER!”
“And MY mother-in-law. One who has worn me out with her advice.”
“What advice? She only wanted to help!”
“‘Roman, shirts should be ironed inside out,’ ‘Roman, beer is bad for your health,’ ‘Roman, help Lena clean,’” he mimicked her thin voice. “I’M SICK OF IT!”
Elena sat down on the sofa, trying to calm herself.
“Roman, let’s talk calmly. Mom is elderly. She is seventy. She has been alone since Dad died.”
“I don’t care.”
“HOW can you say that?”
“Easily. She is NOT MY mother.”
“But she is YOUR mother-in-law! Your wife’s mother!”
“So what?” Roman sat back in the armchair. “I didn’t choose her.”
“You chose ME. And I am part of my family.”
“You are part of MY family now. And your mommy is not.”
“Stop calling her mommy!”
“What should I call her? An old hag?”
“ROMAN!”
“What ‘Roman’? She’s old, annoying, and sticks her nose where she isn’t asked.”
Elena stood up.
“I’m going to my mother right now.”
“You are NOT going anywhere!”
“Oh yes, I AM!”
Roman jumped up and blocked her way.
“I SAID you’re not going anywhere! A wife’s place is at home, beside her husband!”
“Move!”
“NO! You are going to listen to me! I’m tired of your dear mommy! Her presence, her smell of old age, her endless whining!”
“Smell of old age?” Elena turned pale. “How dare you…”
“What, isn’t it true? She walks in and the place immediately reeks of medicine and valerian!”
“She is SICK! She has a heart condition!”
“Then let her treat herself at HOME. In HER own home!”
“This is her home too! She and Dad bought this apartment!”
“They BOUGHT it and GAVE it away. Now it’s MINE!”
“They gave it to US! Not to you!”
“I’m the husband. That means I’m the master.”
“What law says that?”
“The law of LIFE! A man is the master of the house!”
Elena walked past him and grabbed her purse.
“Where are you going?” Roman grabbed her arm.
“To MOM!”
“I forbid it!”
“LET GO!”
She pulled free, but Roman blocked the way again.
“You are my WIFE! You must OBEY!”
“I am not your PROPERTY!”
“Oh, yes, you are! I SUPPORT you!”
“What?” Elena stopped. “I earn my own money!”
“Your pennies? Twenty thousand?”
“Thirty-five!”
“Still pennies. I earn EIGHTY! I feed this family!”
“And that gives you the right to HUMILIATE my mother?”
“It gives me the right to decide who comes into MY home!”
“One more time — this is NOT YOUR home!”
“MINE!” Roman slammed his fist into the wall. “How many times do I have to repeat it? I’m the MASTER here!”
The doorbell rang. Elena rushed to open it.
Vera Nikolaevna, Elena’s mother, was standing on the threshold. A gray-haired woman with kind eyes, holding a pot in her hands.
“Lenochka, I made some soup. Borscht, the way you like it…”
“GET OUT!” Roman pushed forward. “You are NOT WELCOME here!”
Vera Nikolaevna recoiled.
“Roman, what happened?”
“What happened is that I’M SICK OF YOU! You come every day! You interfere in our lives!”
“I only wanted to help…”
“WE DON’T NEED your help! GET OUT!”
“Roman!” Elena tried to push her husband away. “STOP IT!”
“No, let your mommy understand once and for all — there is NO PLACE for her here!”
Vera Nikolaevna placed the pot on the floor, took out a handkerchief, and wiped away the tears that had appeared.
“I… I was just worried about you. Lenochka wasn’t feeling well yesterday…”
“I DON’T CARE!” Roman shouted. “Do you understand? I DON’T CARE! This is MY home! I decide!”
“But… I help…”
“WHO asked you to? You should sit at home and knit socks!”
“Roman, how can you…” Vera Nikolaevna pressed a hand to her heart.
“Easily! I’m sick of you! Old annoying fly!”
“ENOUGH!” Elena pushed her husband aside. “Mom, come in!”
“NO!” Roman blocked the entrance. “SHE IS NOT COMING IN!”
“This is my parents’ apartment!”
“WAS! Now it’s MINE!”
“Children, don’t fight because of me…” Vera Nikolaevna stepped back.
“There! Hear that?” Roman pointed at his mother-in-law. “Even she understands she is EXTRA!”
“Mom, don’t go!”
“No, Lenochka, I’ll go…”
“GOOD!” Roman clapped his hands. “Go! And DON’T COME BACK!”
Vera Nikolaevna turned and walked toward the elevator. Elena ran out after her.
“Mom, wait!”
“Lenochka, don’t. Don’t ruin your relationship with your husband because of me.”
“But he is WRONG!”
“Maybe. But he is your husband. You should…”
“I don’t owe anyone anything!” Elena hugged her mother. “Forgive him. He doesn’t understand what he’s saying.”
“I’m not offended, my daughter. It just… hurts.”
Roman appeared in the doorway.
“Elena! HOME!”
“Go, sweetheart,” Vera Nikolaevna stroked her daughter’s cheek. “Don’t anger him.”
“Mom…”
“ELENA!” Roman barked. “Home. NOW!”
“Go, go,” her mother gently pushed her toward the door.
Elena reluctantly returned to the apartment. Roman slammed the door shut.
“I’m warning you for the LAST time — your mother is not coming here again!”
“Roman, come to your senses! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
“Nothing is wrong with me! YOU are the one who doesn’t understand simple things!”
“What things?”
“That I am the master! I am the man! My word is law!”
“We live in the twenty-first century!”
“I don’t care what century it is! In MY home, MY rules!”
“This is NOT YOUR home! How many times do I have to say it?”
“MINE! Because I said so!”
Elena sat down on the sofa.
“I don’t recognize you. We’ve been married for three years, and suddenly…”
“Not suddenly! I always thought your mother was a burden! I was just tolerating her!”
“A burden? She helped us from the very first day!”
“I DIDN’T ASK for her help!”
“When you had the flu, who took care of you? Mom! When we didn’t have money before payday, who brought groceries? Mom!”
“Ancient history!”
“Last month is ancient history?”
“YES! I DON’T NEED handouts from an old woman!”
“DON’T YOU DARE speak about my mother that way!”
“What? She IS an old woman! Seventy years old! It’s time she understood that young people need to live separately!”
“She does live separately! In the next entrance!”
“Not far enough! It would be better if she lived in another city!”
“ROMAN!”
“What? I’m being honest! I’m fed up with her! She calls every day, comes over, pokes her nose into everything!”
“She WORRIES about us!”
“Let her worry about herself! She has her own life, and we have ours!”
“She DOESN’T have her own life! Dad died, she’s alone!”
“So what? What do I care?”
Elena stood and walked to the window.
“You know, Roman, I’m starting to think I made a mistake about you.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”
“I thought you were a kind, understanding person. But you…”
“What am I?”
“A MONSTER!”
Roman burst out laughing.
“A monster? Because I don’t want to see your mommy every day?”
“Because you are a CRUEL, heartless EGOIST!”
“Egoist? Me? I work my back off from morning till night for this family!”
“You work for YOURSELF! For your own VANITY!”
“What nonsense is that?”
“It’s not nonsense! You bought yourself a new car without asking me! Joined an elite fitness club! Buy expensive suits!”
“I have the right to spend MY money!”
“And I have the right to see my MOTHER!”
“NOT IN MY HOUSE!”
“Then I’ll go to her!”
“I FORBID IT!”
“What?” Elena turned to him. “You forbid me from seeing my mother?”
“YES! I FORBID IT! You should be HOME! Cooking, cleaning, waiting for your husband!”
“I am not a maid!”
“You are a WIFE! And a wife must SERVE her husband!”
“Serve? SERVE?” Elena could not believe her ears. “Are you even NORMAL?”
“Completely normal! YOU are the abnormal one! Running to mommy like a little girl!”
“She is MY MOTHER!”
“I DON’T CARE! I make the rules in this house! And rule number one — your mother does NOT come here!”
“And yours can?”
“Mine lives in another city. She comes once a year.”
“Then let mine come once a year too!”
“NO! She doesn’t come at all!”
“Why?”
“Because I DECIDED SO!”
Elena took her phone and dialed a number.
“What are you doing?”
“Calling Mom. I’ll tell her I’m coming to her place.”
Roman snatched the phone from her hand and threw it on the floor.
“You’re NOT going anywhere!”
“You BROKE my phone!”
“And I was right to do it! Stop calling mommy!”
“You are sick!”
“I am the MASTER! In my own home! And I demand RESPECT!”
“Respect?” Elena picked up the broken phone. “This is your respect!”
“It’s YOUR fault! You don’t obey your husband!”
“I’m not a DOG to obey!”
“You’re WORSE! At least a dog understands who its master is!”
Elena went into the bedroom. Roman followed her.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m packing.”
“What? Where?”
“To Mom’s. If she can’t come here, then I’ll GO to her.”
“You are NOT leaving!”
“We’ll see!”
Elena took out a suitcase and began putting clothes into it.
“STOP IT!” Roman tried to take the suitcase away.
“DON’T TOUCH IT!”
“You’re my wife! You have no right to leave!”
“Oh, yes, I do!”
“I DON’T ALLOW IT!”
“I don’t care about your permission!”
Roman yanked the suitcase from her hands and threw it into the corner.
“You are staying HERE!”
“NO!”
“YES! And you will do what I say!”
“NEVER!”
“Then I’ll MAKE you!”
He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.
“That hurts!”
“Now you’ll know what happens when you argue with your husband!”
“LET GO!”
Someone began pounding on the door.
“Elena! Lenochka! Are you all right?” Vera Nikolaevna’s voice called.
“That old woman again!” Roman rushed to the door. “GET OUT!”
“I heard shouting! What is happening?”
“NONE of your business! LEAVE!”
“Lenochka, open the door!”
“SHE WON’T!” Roman locked the door. “And you GET OUT before I call the police!”
“I’ll call the police myself if you’re hurting my daughter!”
“TRY IT! Let’s see what the police say! A husband and wife are sorting things out, and some old woman interferes!”
“I am not an old woman! I am a MOTHER!”
“I DON’T CARE! LEAVE!”
Her footsteps faded away. Roman turned to his wife.
“See what you’ve done? A scandal for the whole stairwell!”
“YOU caused the scandal!”
“Because of YOU! And your mommy!”
Elena sat down on the bed.
“Roman, let’s talk calmly. What happened? Why did you suddenly start hating my mother so much?”
“Not suddenly. She has ALWAYS irritated me.”
“But before, you spoke to her normally…”
“I was PRETENDING! For your sake! But I can’t do it anymore!”
“What did she do to you?”
“She EXISTS! She interferes in our life! Teaches me how to live!”
“She just gives advice…”
“I DON’T NEED advice from an old woman!”
“Stop calling her an old woman!”
“What is she then? A young girl?”
“She is an elderly person who deserves RESPECT!”
“For what? For giving birth to you? That’s not a heroic deed!”
“She and Dad worked THEIR WHOLE LIVES to buy this apartment! For ME!”
“And they gave it to US! Now forget about them!”
“Forget about my parents? Are you out of your mind?”
“Completely sane! YOU are the one out of your mind! Dragging yourself to mommy like you’re tied to her!”
“I go to her ONCE A WEEK!”
“And that’s TOO MUCH!”
“Roman, she is LONELY!”
“Let her find a hobby! Or a man!”
“WHAT?” Elena jumped up. “What did you say?”
“You heard me. Let her find a man and stop interfering with us!”
“She is SEVENTY! Dad died a year ago!”
“So what? Life goes on!”
“You… you’re just a BASTARD!”
“I’m a REALIST! You and your mother are hysterical women!”
Roman’s phone rang. He answered.
“Yes? Mom? Hi!”
Elena froze.
“Of course, come! I’ll be glad! When? Tomorrow? Great! I’ll meet you at the station!”
He ended the call and put the phone away.
“Your mother is coming?” Elena asked quietly.
“Yes. For a week.”
“And she’ll stay HERE?”
“Of course! Where else?”
“But… you said this is YOUR house! That my mother can’t come here!”
“Yours can’t. Mine CAN.”
“WHY?”
“Because my mother is NORMAL! She doesn’t interfere, doesn’t lecture, doesn’t poke her nose in!”
“She lives in another city! Of course she doesn’t interfere!”
“Even if she lived nearby, she would behave DECENTLY!”
“And my mother behaves indecently?”
“YES! She comes without an invitation! Brings her pots! Bosses people around in MY kitchen!”
“She HELPS!”
“I DON’T NEED her help!”
“But you need YOUR mother’s help?”
“My mother is a GUEST! Yours behaves like the mistress of the house!”
“Because this apartment belongs to MY parents!”
“BELONGED!” Roman slammed his fist against the wall. “BELONGED! Now it’s MINE! And my mother has the right to stay here! Yours does NOT!”
Elena silently walked toward the exit.
“Stop! Where are you going?”
“To the neighbor’s. To call Mom from her phone.”
“WHY?”
“To warn her that your mother will be here tomorrow. So mine DOESN’T COME.”
“Good! Let her NOT come! EVER!”
Elena left. Five minutes later, she returned.
“Did you talk?”
“Yes.”
“And what did Mommy say?”
“She said she won’t come anymore. EVER.”
“EXCELLENT!” Roman rubbed his hands. “Finally there will be peace in this house!”
“Peace?” Elena smiled strangely. “Yes. There will be peace.”
The next day, Roman’s mother, Galina Andreevna, arrived. She was a plump, loud woman of about sixty.
“Romochka! My son!” she threw her arms around him. “How I missed you!”
“Mom, I’m glad too!”
“And where is Elena?”
“In the kitchen.”
Galina Andreevna went into the kitchen.
“Hello, Lena!”
“Hello, Galina Andreevna.”
“You look pale. Are you sick?”
“Everything is fine.”
“And where is your mother? I don’t see her.”
Roman intervened:
“Vera Nikolaevna doesn’t come here anymore.”
“Why?” Galina Andreevna was surprised.
“I FORBID it. I got sick of her.”
His mother looked at him.
“You forbade your mother-in-law from coming?”
“Yes. This is MY home.”
“Roman, that is WRONG.”
“What?” he was surprised. “Mom, you yourself said that a mother-in-law in the house is unnecessary!”
“I was talking ABOUT MYSELF! That I wouldn’t interfere with you! But Elena has the right to see her mother!”
“In MY house, I decide!”
“This is NOT YOUR house!” Galina Andreevna suddenly said sharply. “This is Elena’s parents’ apartment!”
“Mom, what are you doing?”
“I’m telling the truth! Shame on you, Roman! Throwing out an elderly person!”
“But she interfered…”
“She helped you! I know! Vera Nikolaevna called me and told me how she cared for you!”
“She called you?”
“Yes! We talk! And she is a wonderful woman! Kind and caring!”
“Mom, she…”
“BE QUIET!” Galina Andreevna raised her voice. “I didn’t raise you to be like this! Cruel and ungrateful!”
“I’m not ungrateful!”
“NO? And who paid for your university studies? Vera Nikolaevna and her husband! When we had no money!”
Elena looked at her husband in surprise.
“Is that true?”
Roman blushed.
“That was a long time ago…”
“FIVE years ago!” Galina Andreevna said. “I asked them for help, and they DIDN’T REFUSE! And now you are throwing Vera Nikolaevna out of the home THEY bought!”
“Mom, enough!”
“NOT enough! Elena, dear, forgive my son. He is a FOOL!”
“Mom!”
“What ‘Mom’? Call Vera Nikolaevna RIGHT NOW and apologize!”
“I won’t!”
“YOU WILL! Or I’m leaving right now!”
“Mom, don’t…”
“Call her! IMMEDIATELY!”
Roman reluctantly took Elena’s phone and dialed the number.
“Vera Nikolaevna? This is Roman. I… I want to apologize. Yes, I was wrong. Please come over.”
He hung up.
“There,” Galina Andreevna sat down at the table. “Now tell me what is going on here.”
An hour later, Vera Nikolaevna arrived. She knocked timidly.
“Come in!” Galina Andreevna called.
The two women embraced.
“Galya, thank you!”
“There’s nothing to thank me for, Vera. Forgive my fool of a son.”
Roman stood in the corner, angry.
“And don’t pout!” his mother threatened him with her finger. “It’s your own fault.”
A week after Galina Andreevna left, Roman came home from work and found three cardboard boxes with his belongings by the door. His key did not fit the lock.
“Lena! Open up!” he pounded on the door.
Silence.
Roman took out his phone and called his wife.
“Hello?” his wife’s cold voice answered.
“What is going on? Why are my things on the landing?”
“Because you don’t live here anymore.”
“What? Lena, I apologized to your mother!”
“TOO LATE. I filed for divorce.”
“Because of one fight?”
“Because I realized I was living with a MALICIOUS EGOIST. And I fell in love with a completely different person. The one I met three years ago. But he no longer exists.”
“Lena, wait! We can discuss everything!”
“There is nothing to discuss. The documents will come to you by mail.”
Beeps.
In a rage, Roman slammed his fist into the wall. What was he supposed to do now? The boxes were standing right in the stairwell, and soon the neighbors would start coming out…
Elena’s phone rang. It was Galina Andreevna.
“Lena, dear, how are you?”
“I’m fine, Galina Andreevna. Thank you for asking.”
“I heard about the divorce. I want to say this — I don’t judge you. I would have done the same in your place.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“Take care of yourself, my dear.”
Elena hung up and listened. From the stairwell came dull thuds — Roman was kicking the boxes, cursing under his breath.
She walked over to the stereo, turned on her favorite song louder, and began dancing in the middle of the living room.
And outside the door, Roman gathered his scattered things back into the boxes, cursing everything in the world.
